It was the first night of our stay in the hospital. I had given her a quick warm bath in the evening and she shivered badly right after, telling me that she was very cold. She was running a high fever and I really should let her be dressed in loose clothing but seeing her suffer made me decide to wrap her up instead.
I put her in bed, so that she could rest. I was just about to climb into bed and nurse her when she told me she wanted to sleep on her own for a bit.
And that was the start.
For the past few nights in hospital, she still asked to nurse when it’s bedtime but, unless her throat hurt badly, she would stop on her own account, turn her back against me and tell me she was going to sleep. She asked me to join her in sleeping once, I told her I needed to do some work and she said “you sleep with me later ok, mummy?” and promptly fell asleep. She woke up once in the night and chatted with me briefly before turning in
I haven’t been trying to wean her off night feeding at all, not when she is sick. I feel emo but I feel comforted that that’s how she will be transitioning -simply growing out of it. It’s gentle on the both of us.
I have worried about the end for years. The longer we nursed, the more comfortable we got but I often feel like I have done Joy a disfavor in some ways. I feel good about it now, and glad to discover that there is a natural end to nursing to sleep. It teaches me to make peace with myself and have faith in nature.