We were in the hospital one night in January when Joy needed to go to the toilet. I helped her onto the toilet bowl and she made the kind of observation that jolts you out of the moment.
“Mummy! I am in your eyes!”
I look straight back into her eyes and saw myself there. Love of her life, center of her universe. I am there right now.
We’ve been having challenging days (Read: Raising Joy Respectfully) , but sometimes, as Joy nurses and drifts into sleep, I would feel gratefulness that I got to be her mom. I would feel the weight of her body leaning against mine, her hands hugging me. “Thank you for being my daughter, Joy” I would say.
In response, she would mostly go “Huh? Mummy what happened?” and make me unsure of whether she knows what I was talking about, but other times, like last night, she would say things like “Mummy, 我有你很幸福对不对。你有我很幸福对不对。谢谢你做我的 Mummy。(“Mummy, we are so blessed to have each other, right. Thank you for being my Mummy.”). As a matter of fact.
Knowingly or unknowingly, Joy keeps on reminding me to keep what’s really important in my sight. She also asks to be filled up with my attention and presence without reservation or fear. I tend to plan. The plan used to be to work very very hard for the next few years so that I can have more time with her in future but Joy has changed my thinking.
Don’t forget the now.
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