Miss Joy Wong Lok Xun, Huang Lexuan, you have officially broken mummy’s heart for the very first time In your life.

I risked my life to give birth to you. I painstakingly endured pain from the c-sect wound, countless sleepless nights, hunger, anger and gave everything I could to take care of you and let you have my breastmilk despite all the pain and frustrations I had, despite the fact that it means I wont get to rest and don’t get to eat on time during confinement

I bathe by the light of my phone in the middle of the night coz that’s the only time I have to bathe and I can’t turn on the light coz it would disturb your sleep. I leave a mug in the room so that i can drink tap water at night coz I don’t have time to get out to even get a glass of water. I stay with you in the room close to 24/7 a day coz the rest of the family can’t give up TV and is not able to stop making noise.

And goodness knows how many times I’ve cleaned your backside! And goodness knows how many times I’ve eaten your shit and not to forget DRAPOLENE or DESITIN because I didn’t have time to wash my hand properly coz you keep crying after diaper change!

And your Grandma? She just rides on my hard work. After I changed her diaper, she rushes to comfort you. After I’ve burped you for ages, she rushes to do a final burped and you stop crying. After I nursed you and you can’t get to sleep, she rushes to play with you. She gets to sleep through the night, gets her tv, her life and on top of that gets to dye her hair, curl her hair.

What’s more, her mission in life is to CLEAN! She isn’t wiling to jeopardize her schedule to see that you get complete care and she wants to put you in a sarong, which can cause you injury / even suffocation if she’s not careful, just coz its more convenient for her to take care of you. She doesn’t want to learn how to apply desitin for you (causing your bottom to bleed), fold down your diaper so that it won’t hurt your belly button, apply the spray to stop bleeding or even wear a onesie for you to help with the belly button, amongst many other things.

And what did you do?!

This morning before we took you to see the doctor for your belly button, I dressed you, cleaned you, changed your diaper, nursed you until you were satisfied and when I was packing your diapers and such into my tiny bag, Grandma sat you down to burp and called “MA”!!!

!Grandma said you were addressing her but I told her that you were saying “Neh” which is your word for “milk” (See! I even learnt your language!). Because I was JEALOUS furious.

Now let me heave a big sigh!

Ok. It’s coz I had some expectations. I expected you to love me more than anybody else because I am giving you everything I have and love you more than even myself. I expected you to love me most out of everybody around you. But then as I was nursing you just now, I realized that I shouldn’t or it is pointless for me to want you to love me as much as I love you.

Being a parent is a thankless job which you do because you want to. And I have to accept that.

Daddy was laughing at me over the phone when I told him just now. He said I am uber possessive of you but he would tell you about this when you grow up.But I think this might be your reaction..

You must be kidding mummy!
I’m only 7 weeks old…


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