Embracing motherhood | Carrying Joy to full term

To me, motherhood is the process of getting used to things. There is a lot of weight to get used to, starting with the weight of a baby in my womb – too light to feel burdened physically, but heavy. I have since moved on to baby breastfeeding for hours, diaper bags, strollers and library books, but the heavier ones are the weight of trust, responsibility and consequences.

After this picture, I felt the weight of her being resting on my scrawny arms while I cleaned her up. It is the weight of trust that I will hold her steady and the weight of her dependance on me in her daily life.

The heaviest of them all for me are the consequences. I have a constant fear of raising a self-entitled spoilt brat because it is too easy to do so. The pressure I give myself is at times overwhelming but necessary. I found that the best way to teach is by example, which I sometimes cannot, because I am not what I want her to be. I have to teach myself – one of the toughest part of motherhood.

My very strong willed child having an opinion.

I want to teach Joy intangible things, like the ability to differentiate between respect, love, admiration and worth. Especially in the last week (wherein I have not experienced quietness within), I am very aware that I must teach her that we have social responsibility to work for the benefit of the generations after her in her own way  . These are big words and big things and I can only try.

Joy can still truly feel frightened when she is not near me or when she does not see me, but motherhood is also about spending a lot of time and a lot of effort to get my little human ready to live a life that is independent from mine. This is my ultimate mission, for one day I will be gone.

One day, she will grow real wings.

Embracing motherhood is understanding that there are different seasons along the way with different things to do and decisions to make. We tried different arrangements and still found that I need to be more present in Joy’s life in the current season. So, in a few days, I will leave my job.

Exhaustion of a pre-schooler.

Four years ago on this very day, I discovered I was pregnant with Joy and I have known Joy since then. I believe that motherhood is intuitive and my motherhood mantra is to learn what works, plan if possible but live in the moment and collect memories. Tomorrow will take care of itself after that.

Mama shop near my late grandma’s place. Passing on memories of my own childhood to Joy.

This post is written as part of a blog train hosted by my friend, Dominique of Dominique’s Desk. Next up in this blog train is Rachael from Growing Up with JahBella.

Rachael is a full-time working mum with 2 kids (Jah – going on 4 and Bella going on 2). As a couple, Rachael and her husband have ticked quite a number of boxes when it comes to dating and marriage challenges, think a 3 year long distance relationship and an inter-racial marriage and wedding to boot. But no one quite prepared them for the roller-coaster ride, in the form of two super funny, super opinionated, super energetic, and definitely super opposites little versions of themselves! Rachael blogs about her parenting journey, family travels/ experiences and her hilarious conversations with Jah and Bella. Read about her Motherhood journey on her blog tomorrow!
 
 

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2 Replies to “Embracing motherhood | Carrying Joy to full term”

  1. Taking care of yourself and being there for your child is our best gift that we can give our children. Thanks for being on the blog train.
    Dominique Goh’s most recent post : Bridging the GAP: Reinforcing the learning of ChineseMy Profile

    1. Most definately, Dominique. Thanks for having me!

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